Sunday, 31 January 2016

Sayonara skinny jeans

I have news for you, people, and I'm not sure you're going to like it: I hereby declare the long reign of the skinny jean to be officially over. Yep, thats right. Oh. Ver. And by officially, I mean that even the Gods of Fashion (aka Vogue) have decreed it so.

In this month's issue, the fashion bible devoted a double page spread to this bombshell: a sort of eulogy to the once universally lauded skinnies - an item of clothing that for years everyone from fashion editors to moody teenagers had adopted as their failsafe uniform, come rain or shine. And all this despite them being what Vogue now scathingly dismisses as "clingy, wafer-thin, denim-ish imposters, which are not actually jeans."

Not to be overly smug about it, but I fell out of love with my skinnies years ago. For someone who most certainly doesn't boast one of those thigh gaps that surely only the half-starved Victoria's Secret Angels can actually claim to possess, skinny jeans were never really my friend. Not to mention that at all of 4"11 (yep, crowds and reaching cupboard aren't really my thing) finding a pair that show the desired flash of ankle is nigh-on impossible. 

The irritatingly labelled 'Mom' jeans have had their moment over the last few years, and proper 70s flares have also been heralded as making a comeback, but both of these styles are difficult for the average woman to pull off. I'm not sure anyone can look good in baggy Mom jeans - and I have photographic evidence which proves they also happen to make you look approximately four dress sizes bigger than you actually are (seeing just one heinous photo of me in a pair was enough for me to consign mine to the charity bag forever). Flares, meanwhile, are realistically only ever a good look on Amazinonian-like models. Or David Bowie.

Happily though, there are a few non-skinny styles that are pretty universally flattering, and in some cases, give your bum a pleasingly peachy but pert look. The first to search out is the old-fashioned high rise straight leg (think Levi 505s), or as Vogue describes them: "tailored trousers in denim form". Paired with a white t-shirt, there's something excellently Debbie Harry-esque about them.

'Kick flares' are another style to look to over skin-tight skinnies: they have a flattering shape that tapers out at the bottom - though not in quite such a garish 70s manner as full flares - and the cropped length is flattering on anyone. If I had the money, I'd splash out on a pair of J Brand 'Selenas', but Topshop's cropped Moto Kick Flares are a reasonable high street alternative.

Now all I need is to find a pair short enough.